Scarcity Mindset, Survivor Guilt and other blocks

I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around some of the perks of my life. A person like me is meant to be jetting off to distant lands and having experiences. Instead, I feel trapped by the circumstances of my family and friends. What's the point of having unlimited PTO if my squad is strapped for cash and time? Yes I have taken advantage of solo travel now and then, but I'm over it now, I want my loved ones with me. hashtag- firstworldproblems I know, but that's part of the survivor guilt.

It's crazy too that when my employer switched to unlimited PTO, my mind didn't even grasp what the change meant. I thought they were making it more restrictive, like my last job. I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I feel like I'm going crazy, I put flights on hold to Paris and cancel them. I feel so much guilt and resentment that there's a privileged group (not necessarily with money) that gets to freely travel without a pang of conscience, and I'm stuck here feeling guilty over taking even an ounce of vacation, or doing anything for myself, really.

How many of us, when we were little, were told by our parents to clean our plate, because there are starving children in xyz-country who didn't have anything? Of course I felt sorry about that, but if I had gut issues that kept me from eating, forcing myself to eat and making myself sick did not solve the problem of the starving children. It only put a burden on me that made me sicker. Believe me, I do not lose sight of the inequities. I'm conscious of the people who made my clothes and my footprint in the world. Yes, there are people in the world who never get a break, but why can't I shake the feeling that I don't deserve one, just because it's in my power to take it?

Have you struggled with feeling like this? I believe I saw on social media that what I need is called mental rest. Maybe even taking a vacation won't fix it

 

Salary Negotiations

Three-and-a-half years ago, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be writing the words salary negotiations in my blog. But here we are.

Reflecting on my journey to a career pivot, financial education was an important part of the whole process. Without this foundation, it's likely I would've sabatoged myself, as described in the beginning of this blog. Addressing and working through money blocks and negative attitudes towards money is actually the first step, even before enrolling in courses.

I don't believe in the popular concept of manifesting, but I do believe that you attract what you focus on. If you stare too long at the car parked with flashers blinking on the side of the road, there's a good chance that you may swerve your car in that direction without realizing it. If you have limiting beliefs about money, those beliefs may limit your potential overall because you won't be able to visualize success or imagine what's possible.

No, it's not an insane amount of money we're talking about today, but it's more than my childhood would've allowed me to accept. So, another financial milestone for the blog. In this uncertain world full of layoffs, rising interest rates, inflation and crazy prices on groceries, I don't take this for granted. I just wish I felt happier today. My mind is doing what it needs to do, but it doesn't have the luxury of happy.

How about you? have you ever found yourself faced with a big financial mindset shift?

A New Job and New Concerns

Wow, what a journey it's been these past 2 1/2 years! I started this blog in August 2019, shortly before I started a humble free course from Springboard called "Intro to User Experience Design." Now, 2 years and 9 months later, I started a new job working in tech. The job is a perfect match for what I was trained to do. My schedule is a bit different than my old "day job," and the pay is much better. Hopefully after a few months I'll be back on track and won't have to worry about debt anymore. I'm on my way to Learning Gold Can Stay for real! So, um... now what do I do?

I still feel anxiety over my spending. The anxiety hasn't really gone away yet. I was so busy building my UX design portfolio and interviewing that I still haven't worked through the exercises in The Financial Anxiety Solution Workbook by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin. That is on my list of things to do. What are some of the things I fear?

Being raised in an environment of scarcity, then moving to sufficiency or even abundance, brings its own challenges. There are so many judgments involved. True, compared to the 1%, I'm still poor haha! But when some family and friends have the mindset like it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich person to get into the kingdom, it doesn't make it easy to share your news. At a time when I want to go out and celebrate, I've been keeping this recent success quiet. Well, in reality I just got over covid, so I'm still a bit in quarantine-mode rather than party-mode.

Also, I've (unintentionally) dated two millionaires in my past, and I remember how having money changed things. (Unfortunately they were both the uber-frugal type of millionaire haha! Actually my most generous boyfriend lived in a trailer after a messy divorce, far from millionaire status.) Anyway, there were times where we really didn't know who our true friends were. If we wanted to go to a concert, but couple so-n-so couldn't afford to go, then the only way we could have their company was to treat them by buying their tickets. Always awkward. I haven't seen that movie Friends with Money, maybe I need to watch it.

Really, most of my friends & family have been happy for me, only one judgmental comment so far. Probably my harshest judgments come from within. I fear how having money will change me.

Another concern is where to save and invest. I need to educate myself! This blog has traced some of my learning journey, but lately I'm suffering from information overload and don't have a clear idea of where to turn and whose advice to take. The economy feels so precarious now, no investment seems that great. Even real estate, which I like, carries risks from weird storms, floods, freak tornadoes in areas that didn't get tornadoes before, etc.

Have you ever experienced a change in circumstances financially? How did you cope with it?

P.S. I don't dread Mondays anymore! Not that I'd ever say it's my favorite day of the week, but I at least look forward to them now.

Is everybody broke lately? or is it just me?

Greetings everyone, hope you're well! Since I last wrote, I got a couple more professional certificates in a UX Design-related field. I've been going on interviews off and on for the past couple of months.

Meanwhile, I've been eating into my savings with the higher costs of living. After all the progress I made with learning about finances and writing this blog, I feel like I've backtracked somewhat in the past year. At least I'm able to identify the issues more quickly this time.

More later, not that anyone reads this but the bots. One day maybe I'll share it.

So, what do you think? Do you feel you've had to make adjustments to your budget or your spending in the past year?

Best wishes!

The Podcast Playlist that Helped Me Beat Debt

Here's an article that I wrote that I unsucessfully pitched to a finance magazine. Normally I would've persisted and tried other magazines, but I'm taking online classes at the moment and only have so much mental bandwidth as they say. But I miss this blog! so here's a nice freebie for you today, no subscription necessary :)

The Podcast Playlist that Helped Me Beat Debt, by The Finance Phobe

One ordinary, groggy Monday in my cubicle, I was jolted by my friend's cheery Instagram post: Monday, favorite day of the week. Wow, I thought with a mix of admiration and jealousy, how do you get a life like that?

I wanted time freedom, tired of working full-time just to pay bills. My dream was to turn my favorite side hustle into my main source of income and support myself with a flexible schedule. A cash cushion would help me through the transition. But sadly I was a statistic, part of the 40% of Americans without the cash to cover a $400 emergency expense. What could I do?

I knew all the tips and tricks to save money but couldn't make them stick. Why was I constantly going in and out of debt and struggling to save?

I searched financial independence in my podcast app and started to listen. Here are the 4 steps that helped me make over my money mindset.

Step One: Take a look in the mirror

Mind Money Balance With Financial Therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, Episode 08: Understand the Four Money Archetypes

This peppy, approachable episode is a good introduction before doing a deep dive. It explores four underlying core beliefs that can influence our spending habits and overall relationship with money.

(To learn more: Afford Anything with Paula Pant, Episode 127: Four Unhealthy Attitudes Towards Money -- with Dr. Brad Klontz, Financial Therapist) 

Step Two: Learn about cause and effect

Radical Personal Finance with Joshua Sheats, Episode 372: The Power of Cause and Effect

This episode asks the hard self-exam questions, for example, am I in debt due to a health event or chronic overspending? Am I not earning enough because of my skill level? Is my personality holding me back at work? I made notes in a T-chart when I listened to this episode, with eye-opening results.

Step Three: Discover my style

Choose FI by The Unstuck Network (hosted by Jonathan Mendonsa and Brad Barrett), Episode 134R: Quit Like a Millionaire | Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung

Kristy’s story of her climb out of deep poverty suggests financial independence is for anyone. Curious, I got Kristy and Bryce’s book from the library. It revealed the root of my struggle was trying to apply advice geared towards Optimizers, or savers, when I have the mindset of someone who’d rather side hustle than save her way to financial health.

Step Four: Chart my path

Afford Anything with Paula Pant, Episode 215: The Seven Stages of Financial Independence, with Joshua Sheats

By clearly defining the steps to financial independence, this episode helped me focus on the basics without being distracted by advice meant for the financially advanced. Taking one step at a time, I could happily build my emergency fund without being intimidated by stock tips and crypto clickbait (note to self, maybe skip that at any stage!)

Good news and bad news

I only have 10 minutes to write this on my lunch break (live update of why time freedom is one of my big personal and financial goals). Let’s tackle the bad news first. Even though FinconX was free and remote, I didn’t attend this year.

Whaaat? after wanting to for so long? I even downloaded a VPN so I could attend truly anonymously, haha! I signed up as the Finance Phobe. So what happened?

You may have read that I’m studying UX Design. So the good news is, I attended a virtual design conference on the same day, as myself, and I joined the group’s online design community. No screen names, just real me joining a community that will hopefully lead to me getting a better job before quarantine ends! When quarantine ends, I do not want to be in my current day-job-but-it-gives-me-health-insurance situation with barely any time freedom. Right now I’m practicing intense gratitude, trying not to be spoiled, feeling guilty for being safe at home, and trying to appreciate just having a job and every little thing I have.

Only 10 minutes. Anyway, Millie magazine (a new financial publication that just came out in print, though I read it digitally) just recommended a book by Jennifer Risher, We Need to Talk, A Memoir About Wealth. I plan to read it soon. It made me think wow, I wonder how it would feel to not have a constant state of worry about money?

Related to this, Saturday morning I was thinking about my scarcity upbringing and how it’s shaped me, and it really struck me, I don’t think it’s healthy to be always wanting, not getting. Being in a perpetual state of longing and stuckness is just so, so unhealthy!

I fought this emotion, and finished a YouTube video I was working on for my business channel. And I posted a pretty good but imperfect, edited but unprofessionally unpolished version to the web! A group of teachers is following me for my side hustle and I wanted to post some good content. So there! I posted something, and it wasn’t perfect, but I got moving and did it! Yaaayyy!!

Time’s up! Do you have any dreams deferred?

I'm going to FinCon!

Virtual FinCon, that is. The FinConX 2020 conference starts in 2 days, on Friday Nov. 13.

As I wrote last year in my FinCon FOMO post, FinCon is the world’s largest conference for financial educators and influencers. Their website, finconexpo.com, called the community "a diverse group of ‘money mediapreneurs.’"

Why am I going? Number one reason, because I can! Unfortunately, the in-person event was canceled because of the pandemic. That was likely disappointing for many of the regular attendees. But the organizers resourcefully offered this online event in its place, FinConX. Whether I plan to keep blogging mostly for myself or to blog more openly, I get to learn and get a big dose of positivity. Free education without spending time to travel? That's a win-win!

But I am faced with a decision, whether or not to add this blog to my profile. My dad always says, you don't live in a vacuum. Basically, what you do affects other people. Or, other people can affect you. The accountability of having a public platform isn't something I'm seeking out. If blogs were only meant to be helpful, why do they all have disclaimers in the fine print? I even have one, and this blog isn't monetized at all. Maybe that's a question I could ask the pros.

Are you going to FinConX? See you there!