Scarcity Mindset, Survivor Guilt and other blocks

I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around some of the perks of my life. A person like me is meant to be jetting off to distant lands and having experiences. Instead, I feel trapped by the circumstances of my family and friends. What's the point of having unlimited PTO if my squad is strapped for cash and time? Yes I have taken advantage of solo travel now and then, but I'm over it now, I want my loved ones with me. hashtag- firstworldproblems I know, but that's part of the survivor guilt.

It's crazy too that when my employer switched to unlimited PTO, my mind didn't even grasp what the change meant. I thought they were making it more restrictive, like my last job. I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I feel like I'm going crazy, I put flights on hold to Paris and cancel them. I feel so much guilt and resentment that there's a privileged group (not necessarily with money) that gets to freely travel without a pang of conscience, and I'm stuck here feeling guilty over taking even an ounce of vacation, or doing anything for myself, really.

How many of us, when we were little, were told by our parents to clean our plate, because there are starving children in xyz-country who didn't have anything? Of course I felt sorry about that, but if I had gut issues that kept me from eating, forcing myself to eat and making myself sick did not solve the problem of the starving children. It only put a burden on me that made me sicker. Believe me, I do not lose sight of the inequities. I'm conscious of the people who made my clothes and my footprint in the world. Yes, there are people in the world who never get a break, but why can't I shake the feeling that I don't deserve one, just because it's in my power to take it?

Have you struggled with feeling like this? I believe I saw on social media that what I need is called mental rest. Maybe even taking a vacation won't fix it

 

Salary Negotiations

Three-and-a-half years ago, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be writing the words salary negotiations in my blog. But here we are.

Reflecting on my journey to a career pivot, financial education was an important part of the whole process. Without this foundation, it's likely I would've sabatoged myself, as described in the beginning of this blog. Addressing and working through money blocks and negative attitudes towards money is actually the first step, even before enrolling in courses.

I don't believe in the popular concept of manifesting, but I do believe that you attract what you focus on. If you stare too long at the car parked with flashers blinking on the side of the road, there's a good chance that you may swerve your car in that direction without realizing it. If you have limiting beliefs about money, those beliefs may limit your potential overall because you won't be able to visualize success or imagine what's possible.

No, it's not an insane amount of money we're talking about today, but it's more than my childhood would've allowed me to accept. So, another financial milestone for the blog. In this uncertain world full of layoffs, rising interest rates, inflation and crazy prices on groceries, I don't take this for granted. I just wish I felt happier today. My mind is doing what it needs to do, but it doesn't have the luxury of happy.

How about you? have you ever found yourself faced with a big financial mindset shift?

A New Job and New Concerns

Wow, what a journey it's been these past 2 1/2 years! I started this blog in August 2019, shortly before I started a humble free course from Springboard called "Intro to User Experience Design." Now, 2 years and 9 months later, I started a new job working in tech. The job is a perfect match for what I was trained to do. My schedule is a bit different than my old "day job," and the pay is much better. Hopefully after a few months I'll be back on track and won't have to worry about debt anymore. I'm on my way to Learning Gold Can Stay for real! So, um... now what do I do?

I still feel anxiety over my spending. The anxiety hasn't really gone away yet. I was so busy building my UX design portfolio and interviewing that I still haven't worked through the exercises in The Financial Anxiety Solution Workbook by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin. That is on my list of things to do. What are some of the things I fear?

Being raised in an environment of scarcity, then moving to sufficiency or even abundance, brings its own challenges. There are so many judgments involved. True, compared to the 1%, I'm still poor haha! But when some family and friends have the mindset like it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich person to get into the kingdom, it doesn't make it easy to share your news. At a time when I want to go out and celebrate, I've been keeping this recent success quiet. Well, in reality I just got over covid, so I'm still a bit in quarantine-mode rather than party-mode.

Also, I've (unintentionally) dated two millionaires in my past, and I remember how having money changed things. (Unfortunately they were both the uber-frugal type of millionaire haha! Actually my most generous boyfriend lived in a trailer after a messy divorce, far from millionaire status.) Anyway, there were times where we really didn't know who our true friends were. If we wanted to go to a concert, but couple so-n-so couldn't afford to go, then the only way we could have their company was to treat them by buying their tickets. Always awkward. I haven't seen that movie Friends with Money, maybe I need to watch it.

Really, most of my friends & family have been happy for me, only one judgmental comment so far. Probably my harshest judgments come from within. I fear how having money will change me.

Another concern is where to save and invest. I need to educate myself! This blog has traced some of my learning journey, but lately I'm suffering from information overload and don't have a clear idea of where to turn and whose advice to take. The economy feels so precarious now, no investment seems that great. Even real estate, which I like, carries risks from weird storms, floods, freak tornadoes in areas that didn't get tornadoes before, etc.

Have you ever experienced a change in circumstances financially? How did you cope with it?

P.S. I don't dread Mondays anymore! Not that I'd ever say it's my favorite day of the week, but I at least look forward to them now.

The Podcast Playlist that Helped Me Beat Debt

Here's an article that I wrote that I unsucessfully pitched to a finance magazine. Normally I would've persisted and tried other magazines, but I'm taking online classes at the moment and only have so much mental bandwidth as they say. But I miss this blog! so here's a nice freebie for you today, no subscription necessary :)

The Podcast Playlist that Helped Me Beat Debt, by The Finance Phobe

One ordinary, groggy Monday in my cubicle, I was jolted by my friend's cheery Instagram post: Monday, favorite day of the week. Wow, I thought with a mix of admiration and jealousy, how do you get a life like that?

I wanted time freedom, tired of working full-time just to pay bills. My dream was to turn my favorite side hustle into my main source of income and support myself with a flexible schedule. A cash cushion would help me through the transition. But sadly I was a statistic, part of the 40% of Americans without the cash to cover a $400 emergency expense. What could I do?

I knew all the tips and tricks to save money but couldn't make them stick. Why was I constantly going in and out of debt and struggling to save?

I searched financial independence in my podcast app and started to listen. Here are the 4 steps that helped me make over my money mindset.

Step One: Take a look in the mirror

Mind Money Balance With Financial Therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, Episode 08: Understand the Four Money Archetypes

This peppy, approachable episode is a good introduction before doing a deep dive. It explores four underlying core beliefs that can influence our spending habits and overall relationship with money.

(To learn more: Afford Anything with Paula Pant, Episode 127: Four Unhealthy Attitudes Towards Money -- with Dr. Brad Klontz, Financial Therapist) 

Step Two: Learn about cause and effect

Radical Personal Finance with Joshua Sheats, Episode 372: The Power of Cause and Effect

This episode asks the hard self-exam questions, for example, am I in debt due to a health event or chronic overspending? Am I not earning enough because of my skill level? Is my personality holding me back at work? I made notes in a T-chart when I listened to this episode, with eye-opening results.

Step Three: Discover my style

Choose FI by The Unstuck Network (hosted by Jonathan Mendonsa and Brad Barrett), Episode 134R: Quit Like a Millionaire | Kristy Shen and Bryce Leung

Kristy’s story of her climb out of deep poverty suggests financial independence is for anyone. Curious, I got Kristy and Bryce’s book from the library. It revealed the root of my struggle was trying to apply advice geared towards Optimizers, or savers, when I have the mindset of someone who’d rather side hustle than save her way to financial health.

Step Four: Chart my path

Afford Anything with Paula Pant, Episode 215: The Seven Stages of Financial Independence, with Joshua Sheats

By clearly defining the steps to financial independence, this episode helped me focus on the basics without being distracted by advice meant for the financially advanced. Taking one step at a time, I could happily build my emergency fund without being intimidated by stock tips and crypto clickbait (note to self, maybe skip that at any stage!)

Prime Day prep and the online shopping experience

Ten days since Prime Day, much-anticipated shopping days for Amazon Prime members. There were sales at competing websites too, so whether or not you’re a Prime member, if you shop online you can relate to this post. How do you approach your shopping on big sale days? Are you an impulse buyer, or a careful planner?

I once scored a 3.5 out of 5 on a Wing It/Plan It Scale personality quiz, where 1 was Wing It and 5 was Plan It. But my planning for Prime Day this year was “on 11.” I spent 2 days planning for it, reading reviews from a wide variety of sites from c|net to SELF Magazine .com to NY Mag’s the Strategist. I was researching household necessities, like a new vacuum cleaner. By the time Prime Day was over, I was pleased with the experience, but felt like my brain was about to burst haha!

From my UX design studies (slow going now with 2020 screen fatigue), I learned something new about online shopping. Have you ever heard of sustainable UX or green UX? Neither had I! It’s talking about trimming down websites with a lot of data that take up a lot of time and energy to search through. After the info overload of Prime Day (try searching for an ingredients list on a product and see how many clicks and how long it takes), I experienced the need for it firsthand. Not to pick on Amazon though, my least favorite shopping experience is on Target .com. There’s soooo much information to wade through, I always try to do it on a device with a bigger screen.

Though I was happy with the outcome of Prime Day, I did have some financial anxiety leading up to it. Right now I’m reading The Financial Anxiety Solution by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin. I love her approach in the book and her podcast, Mind Money Balance. I’ll share my impressions in future posts.

So what do you think, is online shopping enjoyable for you, or stressful?

Hope you and your family are well.

Step One: share my money fear story (yes I said it aloud! now I have to change)

Let’s go back to 2013. Hurricane Sandy had destroyed large areas of New York City and the Jersey Shore. Some neighborhoods were finally considered safe to return, but everything was still a mess and local roads flooded every time it rained.

One night I was driving on a road that, in hindsight, probably should’ve been closed. Alerted by the flashing lights of a police car and an officer sitting inside, I saw the dark road ahead was flooded. The traffic kept moving through the floodwaters. No one was stopping by the side of the road, no one was waiting, everyone was just going through.

I called out to the officer, “I dunno, do you think my little car can make it?” He replied, “Well… you do it at your own risk, but… I will say that everybody else, and smaller cars than yours, have made it. Nobody’s had a problem going through this.”

I said, “okay!”

So I slowly drove forward into the water. No common sense occurred to me in that moment, like, turn around, don’t drown! Seeing the officer made me feel safe and reassured at first. But the flood was big enough that I was in there a couple minutes, and the water got up to my headlights.

Ahhhh, I’m ruining my car! I thought. And as soon as I drove out of the water, my car was jerking back and forth, and the anti-lock brakes were going crazy. Gotta air out my car, I thought. So I turned on the heat for the rest of my trip.

My mistake was I didn’t turn on my air conditioning. First I took my car to the dealer, and then to a mechanic. Between the estimate and the repairs, that incident caused $1,200 of damage to my car. Why is that number significant?

Because in 2013, I had rebounded from a health crisis and finished my car payment. I had stopped putting out fires and started saving again. The week before this incident, I had just opened up a savings account. I opened it up with $1,200. The repairs to my car cost $1,200.

This took me back to my childhood. My parents would promise me something and say, when we get our tax refund back, then you can have it. Or, when we get our tax refund back, then we’re gonna be ok. And every. single. time. something would happen, like, the washing machine would break, or the hot water heater, or a car repair, or some emergency took the whole amount of the tax refund. Things happened that way every year, year after year.

Somehow the idea got into my mind that if I saved money, bad things would happen to me. After the $1,200 car repair I felt scared, and ashamed of my fear of saving and my dumb decision to drive through floodwaters. I had no one to consult, so I closed my savings account. I didn’t even try to leave $10 in it, I just closed it.

I’ve hidden this from everyone close to me and avoided talking about it, until now. It’s time to start learning gold can stay! What is your money fear story?